The Crabby Vegan: Lazy Pepper Pasta

Okay, so the very first week of this vegan thing, I had more late nights at work than usual. I came home each night tired and, in the great tradition of my father’s family, hangry as all get out.

Cheese used to be a great crutch on nights like these because cheese when added to anything at all is pretty damn tasty: tortilla chips, pitas, pasta, crackers, salads, whatever—it was an easy, thoughtless way to dispatch with dinner.

But that night, I wasn't about to give up so easily. I threw together what had to be the crabbiest, snarliest dinner of my life. I called it “Lazy” in the title above, but let’s be honest, folks: in my mind, it was definitely Bitchy Pepper Pasta.

The beauty of BPP (or LPP, if you’d prefer) is that it takes about ten minutes to throw together and it's likely that you have everything you need in your kitchen already. Pasta? Check. Olive oil or spray oil? Check. Garlic? Check. Scraps of veggies, preferably bell peppers and onions, lurking at the bottom of your crisper? Check.

Here’s the “recipe” written in the spirit in which it was created:

Get your salted pasta water boiling. While you’re waiting on that, splash your olive oil (or lightly spray your Pam) in a pan. Mince up your garlic and slice your veggies. (How thin? What, do I look like your mother? Follow your heart, hon.)

Whenever your water starts to boil, add your pasta of choice (I like whole grain because it's heartier and more filling), and set your oiled pan on medium high heat. If some of your veggies are of a tough variety, saute them first and add your other stuff later. Or, if you’re in the throes of an epic hangry, just dump everything in the oil and let it take care of itself. Don’t forget to sprinkle the veggies with salt to taste.

Saute until the minced garlic is a little brown or until the veggies are slightly soft but still firm or until you’re sick of sauteing and you need a break to pour yourself a glass of wine.

Your pasta should be about done at this point. Strain the cooked pasta and throw it in your veggie pan if there’s room. (If not, finish off your veggies and then dump everything in big bowl and stir. Whatever's clever.) If you used any greens like spinach, add them last and let them wilt a bit. (Spinach doesn't add much flavor to dishes when shredded finely, but it does add iron and makes it look kind of fancy like, you know, you put some thought into it or something.)

If you want a Greek flavored dish, add lots of pepper and a splash of red wine vinegar and maybe some kalamata olives and stir until everything’s warm. If you don’t have any of that crap on hand, sprinkle some red pepper flakes on it and move on with your life; nothing’s perfect, so this doesn't have to be, either.

Dump the whole thing in a bowl. Take a picture of it for your blog and lament how blurry the picture is. Reevaluate your life choices and wonder if veganism and/or blogging is for you.

Take three bites along with another sip of your wine. Sigh deeply as your stomach gets the message that it is indeed finally being fed and that you’re not going to waste away in The Great Famine. Decide that maybe everything is going to be alright after all.

Proceed to nomz. 

Pusheen knows what's up.